Oakland: Colorado County

Don't Swim in Florida Lakes!

I drove my Honda Odyssey to visit my parents in Sarasota.  I decided to take a short cut.  I knew I needed to go north. But north had been cut off due to a bad accident between a motorcycle and a cement mixer.   The only way to go was south.  I found my way to the tip of Lake Okeechobee.   At the lake there was one lone fisherman who had not caught anything the whole day.   He asked me if there was any place around here to get some dynamite.   I shrugged the universal code that means “Not sure man!”   The sky started to turn a strange purpleblackblue and that’s when it happened.  The lake sucked up and from the lake emerged a giant red crablike thing.   It approached my Honda.  It grabbed the van with one of his red claws.  Then it opened a wide chasm (probably his mouth). It gulped the van down in one bite.  It burped a noxious smelling protoplasm.  Then it went back into the midst of the lake.   I was cut off from my home, and how was I going to get back now? 
I was to busy to notice, the silver UFO passing in the starry night.

Oakland USA

Beached Whale + Dynamite = Bad Idea

Urban Legends in Verse:

Mind the Light

Jim left work early, and without delay,

his stroll strong; he carried waste,

with him.  An amateur electrician enthusiast,

 held a light, from a repair done yesterday.

He felt like a rebel, a hippie, an outcast 

who had been cut from the prime-cast. 

Jim entered the station on Broadway,

he took the light rail home where he 

would be free to rest, to relax again.

He stood, not wanting to break the light, 

as the car filled up with elderly.

Finally there were no seats to ascertain, 

so others were forced to stand in the cart. 

The cart went swift so all looked for a part, 

a hand-hold, to relax their beating heart.   

A man grabbed a hold, found the light  held by Jim;

Jim departed and left the light with him.

Urban Legends in Verse:

Miracle In Vale

Do miracles happen in this atomic age?
Don't ask this urban pirate sage!
But here is a tale from a mountain dale:


A flock at a monastery outside of Vale,
were being given a tour by a monk named Dale.
A lady from Boulder spied an empty wheelchair,
the chair sat in front of the monk's backstair
she took a glance, and sat with great care. 


No one saw the action by this good-wife,
she appeared to be a quite still-life, 
a poor soul who was in an accident.


But then it seemed an angel was sent.
For when it was the hour to rendezvous
back at the bus, we saw a big to do:
the lady arose, it was sensational, 
a miracle, she broke free from her jail.


The monk was aghast and did a cartwheel, 
he knew this event would make the newsreel.