Showing posts with label Deli Clerk Quips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Deli Clerk Quips. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Poetry Museum: Frank O'Hara

In Remembrance to a Poem by Frank O' Hara

A Day in the Life




It is 11:10 in Lakeland, a Tuesday,
two days after the World Series,
it is 2012 and I brush my teeth pearl white,
because I will get off the cozy couch in my abode
at 1:15 and then go straight to Publix,
and I don't know who will buy my chicken.

I walk up the freezing, tree lined, dead end street
and open the mailbox with my small golden key
a stack of unwanted bills and political ads
greet my blue oil pocked hands.

                                        I go on to my deli
and Miss. Calmwater (first name Bernice I once heard)
doesn't even tell me to cut the salami thinner.
And I ponder O'Keefe as I exhibit the slice,
or did I re-imagine film-scenes  from the Artist,
that dog stole the show, and made me smile; or
was I thinking about which friends I would call,
the images were practically lulling me to sleep,
with salami on my slicer.

And then I am asked to help Ms. Cherry
I tread on to the kitchen cautiously
but my feet slip Chaplinesque from the grease
spilled onto the floor.  I wake up from my dream
and stab the dead chickens.

And I am sweating a lot, because it is time to go
homeward bound, and so much to clean;
while Patsy Kline sings the lines to Crazy
written by Willie Nelson.
                                  I push my broom faster.  
 
Influenced by the Format of The Day Lady Died by Frank O'Connor.

Notes on the Poem:
What I like about O'Hara's writing is the  narrative is told in his Poem. He writes in the present tense during the whole poem, which gives us a feeling of walking with the author.   I had trouble with the line, becuase I will get off the 4 : 19 in Easthampton  The reason for the trouble was Lakeland has no complicated bus line,  so I had to think of what he was saying and how I could relate it to my locale.   You gain greater insight into a poem by attempting to relate the intent to your own condition.


  


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Crops: Breaking the Thigh Bone (Revised 01.05.2011)

art work by Cynthia Rothbard
go visit her site at Cynthia's Botanical Arts
Charlotte bought the lottery ticket, holding it in her hands, uttering deep frustration, "Christ Jesus my back hurts."
She held the ticket in her hand, she had bought many tickets before this one,  her husband had told her too many times(he stopped counting): he constantly dripped a nagging persistent hiss, "Stop Buying those Damn tickets!"

But this one could be the one, she feared finding out, "Christ Jesus Christ Jesus Christ Jesus!" Charlotte held her back this time and slouched over.   Her apron hung losely. "Christ Jesus Christ Jesus, I am sooo tired!"  Christ Jesus-Christ Jesus.


She heard her name announced on the store wide intercom.

Ms. Charlotte to the deli, Ms. Charlotte to the deli.



Her name was called out like a brick thrown at her head, she wished they would stop calling her name....she became angry and imagined her hands breaking the heads off of Barbie Dolls.

Friday, December 10, 2010

The Wrestler Knows the Pain



          INT. SHOP-RITE - DELI COUNTER - DAY
          
          ANGLE ON Take-A-Number sign. It reads NOW SERVING: 54
          
          A crowd of AGGRAVATED CUSTOMERS stand waiting at the counter.
          A FAT GUY in a motorized cart clutching a 71 throws a fellow
          customer a "Do you believe these morons?" eye roll.
          
          Behind the counter are Randy and a COWORKER. Randy is putting
          a block of Havarti onto the slicer. He moves lackadaisically,
          distractedly.
          
          Wayne, noticing as he roams past, heads over.
          
                              WAYNE
                    Let's pick it up. Rush hour.
          
          Wayne gives him TWO QUICK CLAPS and walks off. Randy adjusts
          the machine's setting and begins to slice. He isn't moving
          much faster.
          
                CUSTOMER #1 (O.S.)               CUSTOMER #2 (O.S.)
          While we're young...             Any year now...
          
          Randy keeps right on slicing at his unhurried pace. He gets
          in a nice, meditative groove.
          
          Slice, slice, slice, slice, slice...
          
          He watches as his thumb inches closer to the spinning blade.
          He stares at his thumb. At the blade. His thumb.
          
          He JAMS HIS THUMB INTO THE BLADE.
          
          Blood squirts everywhere. On his coat. On the deli meat.
          
                                                                     99.
          
          
          Randy stares at the DEEP GASH, watching as blood pulses out
          in crimson surges. He smiles strangely at it.
          
          A customer GASPS. A commotion quickly spreads.
          
                                 WAYNE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
                    Randy!
          
          Randy turns and sees a shocked Wayne rushing toward him.
          Wayne takes Randy's arm and tries to lead him into the back,
          out of view.
          
                              WAYNE (CONT'D)
                        (conscious of customers
                         WATCHING)
                    Let's get that patched up.
          
          Randy roughly SHOVES him away. Wayne stumbles backwards.
          
          Randy, turning toward the onlookers, raises his thumb to his
          face. He dramatically smears the BLOOD ACROSS HIS MOUTH.
          
          Customers GASP. A woman SHRIEKS.
          
          Randy drags the gash across his cheek. He SMEARS A LINE OF IT
          under each eye like WARPAINT.
          
                              RANDY
                        (striking wrestling pose)
                    Let's get it onnn!
          
                              WAYNE
                    Somebody call the cops!
          
          Randy ROARS at Wayne. Wayne JUMPS BACK, frightened. Randy
          rumbles out of the deli area LAUGHING.
          
          
          SUPERMARKET AISLE:
          
          Randy dashes down an aisle. He dodges a WOMAN PUSHING A
          SHOPPING CART, purposely "over-dodging" her so he CRASHES
          INTO THE SHELVES and sends stuff flying. He dodges ANOTHER
          SHOPPER, dramatically crashing into the shelves again.
          
          
          FRONT REGISTER AREA:
          
          Randy charges past the CASHIERS, out of the supermarket.

Courtesy of the IMSDB

Friday, August 27, 2010

Boars Head Mozzarella and Peach Dessert (Improvised from a KCRW Los Angeles idea)

Peach and Mozerella Salad
3 large peaches
1 pound Boars Head Mozerella Cheese (can get at Publix, and other grocery stores that carry Boars Head Products(Eg Kroger) 

Several sprigs of Italian basil
A good salad salt, such as Maldon Sea Salt (To Taste)  
Freshly ground black pepper
Roasted salted Emerald Almonds, optional

_____Directions______
Start Grill and set to medium heat.   Allow Grill to heat up for at least 10 minutes.
Cut peaches into 1/8 inch slices.   (The Cut should be thick to stand up to the heat on the grill).  
Place peaches on heated grill. In cast Iron Pan.  Place cheese slice on grill.  
Sprinkle Brown sugar, and Sea Salt  on top of Peaches and Mozzarella.  
Allow cheese to caramelize (Cheese should coming to beautiful auburn brown color.) 
Place carefully onto a plate.   Tear basil and scatter over Mozzarella.  
Top with nuts, if desired. 
Can be served with Ben and Jerry's Creme Brulee Ice cream.  
Makes 6 servings.
Publix would love to slice you a sample of  Boar's Head Mozzarella, 
and Ben and Jerry's Ice cream is BOGO,  be sure to stop buy and get some.... its ohhhhh so good.


Link to Poem: Friend


Although I work for Publix and Boars Head Indirectly this is not a sponsored endorsement of any products mentioned in the review.  I also was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. Neither Boars' Head nor Publix have asked me to write this recipe. Nor am I being compensated for my remarks, now or in the future. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 [...] : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Alexander Rothbard

Like my grandfather, I am also in sales and feel a special connection to the man who would bring Marlboro out west.  He to me was always confident, he was a man who could sell anything.   He was also a friend of many business men in the Denver area.   I looked up to my grandfather as a hero.  But all heroes have to start somewhere.  This note written by my grandfather illustrates that the first steps are always the toughest.   I have been at that frustration point, where all I saw was failure.  It is comforting to know that a man loved by many had to start somewhere as well.     


 I will have this article in two parts, one part today, and the other part will be published tomorrow, enjoy:


"I Remember the Sale"
By: Alexander Rothbard 

The sale I'll never forget happened a long time ago.  It was my third day as a Philip Morris salesman.  The first two days were a training period, third day I was on my own.  


The assignment slip gave a list of the streets (in a strange city, I asked a million questions as to how to reach my destination.   During the first subway ride I kept thinking and planning how I was really going to sell Philip Morris.


I analyzed my approach, presentation and closing but still no sale.  About 2:00 in the afternoon I hit low ebb--all the enthusiasm gone, my hopes and dreams shattered.    All I could see was failure.  The next stop was a tobacco shop.  I must have looked at the store for 10 minutes, actually fearing another refusal.  Well it had to be and I was desperate.  I walked in and gave no introduction other than I was from the Philip Morris Company.  (Continued Tomorrow)


Poetry Link: Grandfather

Monday, June 28, 2010

Kareuac on Food and San Francisco



San Francisco is a food hunter’s paradise; even the United Wing of the San Francisco Airport has a plethora of delights.    Jessica (my wife) and I had so many choices for lunch, there was Clam Chowder in San Francisco Sour Dough Bread Bowls, Japanese Bento lunches, mission style burritos, good micro-brews, and probably a lot more; I was unable to see it all because my senses were overwhelmed.    

Jack Kerouac wrote of the bounty of food in San Francisco:

From on the Road by Jack Kerouac (Part Two - Chapter Ten)
In the window I smelled all the food of San Francisco.   There were seafood places out there where the buns were hot, and the baskets were good enough to eat too; where the menus themselves were soft with foody esculence as though dipped in hot broths roasted dry and good enough to eat too.  Just show me the bluefish spangle on a seafood menu, and I'd eat it; let me smell the butter and lobster claws.  There were places where hamburgers sizzled on grills and the coffee was only a nickel.  And oh, that pan fried chow mein flavored air that blew into my room from Chinatown, vying with the spaghetti sauces of North Beach, the soft-shell crab of Fisherman's Wharf- nay, the ribs of Fillmore turning on spits! Throw in the Market street chili beans, red-hot, and french-fried potatoes of the Embarcadero wino night, and steamed clams from Sausalito across the bay, and that's ah-dream of San Francisco.  Add fog, hunger making, raw fog, and the throb of neons in the soft night, the clack of high heeled beauties, white doves in a Chinese grocery window.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Book Clubs: No Guts, No Glory!?




I confess I love doing book clubs. But I am the only guy in the library book club called Books Sandwiched In (BSI). Every first Tuesday we have a book offered to us that we have the option to read and discuss the next First Tuesday of the month.


Men join a book club in your area if you've got the guts. 

Do I feel light in the loafers by taking part in a book discussion group? No Way! I feel that my masculinity is not challenged in any way by being a participant in BSI. Often being the sole male in the group is valuable to the whole group. I can offer insight into the stories that woman cannot offer. But the women also help me understand the books better from their shared POV. It feels good to have fellow travelers in our explorations.

There are a number of books that we all have hated. Brenda our book group leader finds books that will make for good conversation. I have had my point of view stretched by a number of the books. A novel should give you new insight that you may never have known, or even wanted to know. The art of the novel is to live the experiences of others different from ourselves.

Men may fear that they will not be accepted by the women in the group. I have never felt the death glare that tells me I am not wanted here. Not once have I felt rejected.

All right, now it's your turn to join a group in your area and be the sole guy that drives the ladies crazy.



Remember: No Guts, No Glory!




Monday, March 22, 2010

Where we Stand? Open for Business


The United States is going through a period of change.  Change theory says that the first reaction will be shock; then the US reaction will move to denial; than the People will find blame in themselves; this period of Self Blame will be followed by acceptance.  Once we find acceptance and move from the river of denial we will than learn to experiment and find new ways of conducting ourselves in the United States and in the World at Large.

 The United States of America is slowly tilting to a change, a change, a change.  A change between the Old Guard watch dog conservatives, to a newer vision framed by a younger mind set.

  In a way we can blame the 1970's curriculum of "Free to Be You and Me" for the shift.  The new frame of America is shaped around acceptance of diversity, and a need to resolve all conflicts peacefully.   Their will be a battle between the old guard who desire self reliance, to the new guard who see possibility of unity in Big Government.   The important thing to do is to hold onto the rails, keep your hands and legs inside the cart, and get ready for the bumpy ride.

It is good to get informed.  It is good to comment as we will all be responsible for shaping the United States today.   Conservatives don't stop critiquing and editing the thoughts of well intentioned liberals.  For the liberals will dream and the conservatives will edit these dreams so that they are coherent to what the United States will publish to the world.

I do believe the United States will reshape itself into something we won't recognize today.  But don't fret to much,  for we (The People of the United States) will regain our footing and continue to set the tone for what it means to be a Freeman in the 21st Century.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Cuban?




Customer: Can I have half a Cuban?
Deli Clerk: Did you ask the Cuban?
Change the Context, Change the setting; changes the meaning greatly.  

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